Beautiful.

  
 "Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes."
                                                                              - Hugh Prather


    If I were to hashtag that quote it would be #truth #wow #slapmeinthefacewithashoe.
    Never have words been so real to me. Never have they been so relevant. Never have they been so needed.
    My absence from BlogLand for the last ten months hasn't been from laziness, lack of desire to write, or simply because I didn't have time. My absence has been induced by life. By change. By pain and happiness. Excitement and disappointment. It's been from not wanting to share what sometimes seemed like a pitiful existence on my part and at other times so fulfilled I wanted to keep it all to myself.
    The last ten months have completely altered life as I know it. I reached my goal of losing 100+ pounds. I ran two half marathons. Completed a Spartan Sprint Race. Had major surgery. And had my life turned completely upside down.
    I've always thought I knew what happiness was. Happiness was having this pretty picture of life. A pretty family.  A pretty home with a pretty little car in the driveway. A pretty job and pretty friends. But I came to realize.. that's all it was. Pretty. There was no passion. No desire for life. It was living day to day. The same routine in and out.. and feeling the same, empty longing for more. In fact, it wasn't pretty at all. It was ugly.
     It's crazy how things change so quickly. How you go from one place to another and not even realize what happened or how you got there.  How something or someone can come along and blow everything you ever thought you knew into a million pieces. Change is full of highs and lows. Change is hard.. but it's beautiful. So very, very beautiful.
    That's how I describe life now. Beautiful. That's how I feel life now. Life isn't just something I have to go through anymore. It's something I want to experience. Something I want to touch. Something I want to taste. Not because it's "pretty" or because it "looks" good. I want it because it's real. Because it hurts just as much as it feels good. I want it because for the first time... I am living.
    So, all this change...... Things didn't really change. I did. And it saved my life.

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