My Life, Uncensored.

     I had my first shot in over 6 years today... only this one didn't make me want to vomit. Wait, yes it did. Back up... This one didn't harm my liver. That's right folks. Watch while I bust out my Bucket List and mark off, 'Take a shot of wheat grass" cause I did! And it was NASTY! Not nearly as nasty as I thought it'd be but it was pretty grody.      This marks Day 2 of my juice fast. Up until about an hour ago it's been actually pretty manageable. I did have a slight moment of crazy as I was cleaning out my car yesterday. I came across an old chicken strip that had fallen between the seats. It took a lot of willpower to not pop it into my mouth. I even caught myself squeezing it to see if it was hard... Don't judge me...      Anyhoo! About an hour ago I got a random craving for nachos... and then it was over. I was hungry. I tried drinking more juice to balance the hunger and it did nothing but made me want to vomit. I'm up to my ears in juic

    Ok, not gin - just juice. And lots of it.     Sunday officially begins my 14 day juice fast. Yep, you read that right. I'm doing a juice fast and I'm not talking Capri Sun. We're talking real fruit and veggie juice. Freshly... juiced?      For the past two days I've been replacing random meals with juice to get my body used to its new reality... it's already an interesting experience. While the juice tastes AMAZING (which shocked me) I am soooooo tired. SO tired. Like.. I could pass out and sleep so good I drool... OK, so tired I'm drooling right now but that isn't the point here. The point is... I'm tired.      I was convinced my biggest issue would be hunger! That I'd be gnawing on my desk just to keep myself occupied... while I'm sure that point will come in the near future.. I'm focusing on staying awake right now.      So, the official report of pre-fast day 2 is.. I've turned into a narcoleptic.

    I need a couch, a pillow, and a counselor - in the form of a pair of running shoes and an endless road.      The past two weeks have been full of ailments and one run. One. Single. Run. It is driving me CRAZY!  I need the road! I need some earbuds, my GPS watch, and sweat!      This is my first case of the "No Running Blues" and it's killing me... I didn't realize how therapeutic my runs have become. How liberated I feel when I stop my GPS watch when I finish the route. The feeling of "Nothing Matters" when I'm away from the worries of the day and I'm alone on the road. I feel like Rose on the bow of the Titanic screaming "I'm flying!" but not flying.. running.. and I'm not on a ship.. I'm in my neighborhood with my neighbors giving me strange looks as I lap their house for the 7th time...      I've been side lined for two weeks. COUNT THEM - TWO WEEKS! I feel like I need to rip something apart.. or eat

    OK, so I didn't fall in love , per say, with the water guy but he was definitely my best friend today.     Today was my first 10k and unlike the reaping in the Hunger Games.. the odds were not in my favor.      It all started at the beginning of the week when my body started to rebel. I had some ovarian cysts who decided they were being neglected and started giving me serious problems. I was out of commission for 3 days with those babies which took away the time I had planned to get in some short runs to prepare for today. So, coming off a week of absolutely NO running and tons of pain meds.. I woke up this morning praying that the pain would stay away long enough for me to make it through my run.      I'll admit it. I almost cried Friday night as I was talking to a friend of mine about possibly missing the run. I've worked SO hard and SO long to get to this point and one stupid little ovary was going to keep me from my first goal. I put on my big girl panties, popp

     In preparation of my first "official" 10k this coming Saturday, I have strategically planned my long distance runs for the past 3 weeks. And when I say strategically planned, I mean I realized I only had 3 weeks left and just started cramming them into my running schedule.      This weekend was my last chance to get in a practice run. All week I had it planned in my head to run the 6.2 miles on Saturday morning. I was motivated. I was ready. Nothing was going to get in my way. Nothing... Except for my bed. My big, comfy, pillow top mattress covered - king size bed.      Everything was perfect. Everyone was asleep. It was cold outside. None of my neighbors were mowing their yards.. Neither of the kids had their feet in my face... My bed was my friend. My pillow was my lover... and the alarm, that evil alarm clock was my enemy..      The alarm went off and I jumped up... to turn it off and got back in bed. Seriously. My head was hurting and the bed was so dang comfy!

    As I train for my first 1/2 Marathon in February, I've encountered a few ailments along the way. Blisters, side stitches, cramps, nausea during long runs, achilles tendonitis.. and now - corns. Yep! I have the ultimate foot joke of an issue.      You have 5 seconds to crack your best corn line.. and GO!      Now that you have that off your chest, let's get back to business.      To make matters more "interesting" I have not one but TWO. One on each foot.. on the same toe. (The 4th one if you care to know.. I mean, you're still reading this blog so you must be somewhat interested.)      I noticed "them" last week. When I was walking it felt like a pebble was in between my toes. They didn't really hurt but I could definitely tell something was up. I didn't give it much thought other than something was in my sock. The week went on and this 'pebble' kept somehow getting in my sock! So yesterday, I examined them and sure enough.. I

    I've noticed the older I've gotten, the farther I push back the 'Old' threshold. At 15, 30 was old. At 20, 38 was old. Now at 27, 75 is old. Until this weekend, I had decided I would never reach 'Old' status. As long as I feel young, I'm still young, right??? WRONG.     I was pumping gas this Saturday when I noticed this guy kind of staring at me. Ok, he was totally staring at me. I was flattered for a minute. Who doesn't appreciate someone thinking that you're pretty?? The flattery was quickly over and I was creeped out.. because he went from looking.. to walking my way. My thoughts went from, 'Awwwwww' to 'Holy crap he's gonna rob me!" Extreme? Maybe.. but hey! You never know these days!!     I hopped in my car.. locked all the doors but mine and stepped out to finish pumping my gas. Prepared to kung foo his hiney at any second!     He walks up to me and was like, 'Hey.' "Hi..." I replied... ready to pu

Running Beast      While I'm not sure what a dying cat feels like I'm pretty sure how I felt last night was pretty darn close. (OK, maybe dying is a little extreme.. and morbid, but it's too late now.)      Anyways, I ran my longest distance to date yesterday evening. The hubs and our boys were dropping off Thomas' newest girlfriend (one of his new racecar bodies) and that left me all alone for an extended period of time. My initial plan was to get in 4 miles, tops, but as I ran my mindset changed. I thought, "I'll go ahead and attempt a 10k OR run until Thomas gets home. Whichever happens first is what I'll do." Mile 2 came around.. then mile 3... still no Thomas. So I kept going. Mile 4... mile 5.. and he still wasn't home! So, I accepted my fate and strived toward the goal - 6.2 miles.      Wouldn't you know, just as I was rounding my LAST corner they pulled into the driveway. It was FATE! Or luck. Or neither, who cares?! I FREAKIN

    A large cheese pizza, 7 bowls of Lucky Charms, a chocolate cake and a 5 gallon tub of vanilla ice cream! That's how I felt last night when I got on the scale. And of course, when you aren't happy with your weight.. what do you do? YOU EAT! EVERYTHING!     While I didn't eat everything.. I ate a bowl of Total Whole Grain cereal.. I was incredibely frustrated. If I could have eaten my scale I probably would have just so it couldn't judge me. (Cause that's what scales do. They conspire with your shrinking clothes and JUDGE YOU.)      Instead I pouted for a bit. Got snappy with my husband.. who doesn't love taking their own retarded frustrations out on their husband, right?? And then pouted some more. I was like a 4 year old in a toy store who couldn't get every single toy they wanted. I was being a total baby.      Against my will, (cause there was a person holding a gun to my back) I put on my running clothes. I looked in the mirror and went and pouted

    OK, so the title on this is a little... gross BUT you're still reading.. so who's nastier, me or you?      As I continue to train for my first half marathon next February, I've noticed a trend as I increase my distances. I have to poop. (Did you seriously expect this to be about something else?)      In the beginning, God made the Heavens.. haha, just kidding.. in the beginning of my training I noted that I got the "running farts". About a half mile or so in.. I'd need to cut the cheese, as some say, and NO amount of butt clenching or whatever it's called to try to hold them babies in would work. There were MANY of awkward moments for myself when running in the beginning. I won't go into detail there. You're welcome.      As I've progressed, the "running farts" have spread out to farther distances.. they don't hit until about a mile and a half in but they are now the warning sign of "the running craps." (I'm w

Grillin' Like A Boss.     I. Am. A Grilling Machine.     There. I said it. Bust out the champagne and fancy cheese. I AM ROYALTY.     Now last night was only my 3rd time to use such a contraption, I must say I am a natural. (Excluding the first time I used it and all the food was literally on fire.. but we aren't counting that one.)     Anyhoo! I am a female version of Emeril.. except I'm not italian and I don't say BAM! when I season. I'm still working on my trademark 'saying' which I'll share with you in the near future.     Last night I grilled steaks and hamburgers. As sides, I served homemade green beans with bacon, seasoned veggies AND loaded mashed red potatoes. Now, when I say loaded, I mean these babies should have been arrested for all they were packing!! I could have EASILY eaten my weight in them. If only there were a thing as a Smell-A-Blog.. (see what I did there?? Emeril has nothing on me..)     Now that I have the grilling

    As I've gone full force into this whole "healthy" thing, I've become really passionate about running.         Don't get me wrong, I feel totally beastly flipping my 195lb tires, pumping iron in the gym like I own the place, and running backwards up a hill without stopping.. OK so the last one is stretch.. I slow down considerably about half way.. BUT I really, really enjoy running. Not so much the 'run' part.. more of the 'ran' part - past tense - I. Just. Love. It.      There's nothing like going for miles and miles, in you're only little word, and then when you're done you're like, 'Dude. I just did that!'      So, as I do with anything else, I've fully committed myself to the cause. I am currently registered for two 5ks, a 10k, and 4 half marathons - with a 5th half marathon in the plans. While the idea of doing that much running is enough to make some people eat their weight in chocolate and then lay down to t

    OK, first off - I hate the wagon. The wagon SUCKS. Whoever invented "the wagon" should be punched in the throat.     With that off my chest, I can't seem to stay on the wagon, per say. Apparently, I'm sitting too close to the edge and there are a lot of pot holes on the road. I keep falling off... and getting ran over... by all 4 wheels.. just sayin'.     Today I am on the wagon.. I'm not calling it a wagon, though. Instead, I'm on the couch. Doesn't that sound better? It's more comfortable, it's normally in an air conditioned room, and it doesn't move. This MIGHT make it easier for me to stay on it... until I see the chocolate cake across the room on the table.. Thank God I don't have chocolate cake in my house..     So, I'm on the couch and I feel great. Encouraged. FRANTABULOUS! I'm trying to find my balance, aka desire, to stay on my Paleo Lifestyle. I love the Paleo way. I love how I feel. I love the food. I love tha

    How incredibly ironic that I stumbled upon my blog today.. when just a few days ago I posted my "One year later" photos on Facebook.     So, one year later what has happened? Well, a lot. One thing that hasn't happened? The Chocolate 5k that I discussed in my last blog post ONE YEAR AGO! HA!     I've always been horrid at New Year Resolutions, so I'm not surprised I never made it to the land of the chocolate eating athletes. BUT I WILL THIS YEAR!!! Well, not THIS year technically but at the next running of the chocolate in February of 2014. AND instead of running with the 5k level athletes.. I will be in the coveted 15k group!! (A side note, while I will be one of the 15k groupies.. I will not be one to envy.. pretty sure I'll need chocolate to up my sugar levels so I don't pass out during the 9 miles.)      Anyhoo, back to my post title. A year later. How neat to look back and see how pitiful I was... haha, just kidding.. but seriously..     I'